Keď sa narodil Alex, Sandra mala 3 roky a 10 mesiacov. Na bračeka sa počas celého môjho tehotenstva tešila, stále sa pýtala, kedy sa už narodí. Myslela som si, že je na jeho príchod pripravená. Zrejme však úplne presne nevedela, čo to obnáša a čo všetko sa s novým bábätkom doma zmení. A hoci na pohľad to vyzeralo, že je všetko ok, v skutočnosti to až tak ok nebolo.
Žiarlivosť na nového súrodenca prerástla až do takej miery, že sa Sandruške zo stresu veľmi zhoršil ekzém, ktorý sa u nej začal objavovať niekoľko mesiacov predtým. A bolo to dosť zlé. Kožná lekárka nám odporučila detského psychológa. Nakoniec sme sa k nemu nedopracovali, žiarlivosť sme postupne zvládli aj bez neho. I keď, pravda je, že mierne náznaky nevraživosti voči bračekovi sa u našej staršej občas objavia i teraz, nie je to však už nič, čo by sme nevedeli vyriešiť.
Jóga, Bachove kvapky a veľa pozornosti
Keď sa žiarlivosť začala odrážať na jej zdravotnom stave, v rámci snahy o odbúranie stresu a na upokojenie tela i mysle, sme Sandrušku prihlásili na kurz detskej jógy. Veľmi sa jej zapáčila. Často ju cvičíme i doma. Okrem toho sa snažíme tiež relaxovať a ako tak meditovať, v čom nám pomáhajú napríklad Meditácie pre deti či CD Tíško počúvaj. A skvelé sú i knihy Dýchaj ako macko a Rok odpočinkových aktivít pre deti.
Ďalšou pomôckou, ktorá, u nás zafungovala, boli Bachove kvapky “Holly”. Pre niekoho možno šarlatánstvo s placebo efektom, nám sa však Bachove kvapky osvedčili už viackrát, preto som sa týmto, určeným práve na žiarlivosť, potešila. A oprávnene.
Čo však bolo v našom boji za Sandruškine prijatie nového člena rodiny najdôležitejšie, bola pozornosť. Ešte viac pozornosti. A ešte viac lásky. V každom veku je pre dieťa dôležité, aby s ním rodičia, i každý rodič zvlášť, trávili čas. Niekam ho zobrať, niečo s ním podniknúť, hrať sa s ním, rozprávať sa s ním… O všetkom. O ničom. A tiež o novej situácii, ktorú tak ťažko prijíma. Do ničoho ho netlačiť, len mu ponúknuť náruč a počúvať.
Myslím, že u nás pomohlo aj vysvetľovanie pozitív, ktoré s bábätkom prišli. My sme si so Sandruškou urobili tabuľku, na ktorú sme si do bublín napísali, prečo je super mať bračeka. Potom sme ju zavesili na chladničku a i keď Sandra ešte nevie čítať, rada okolo tabuľky chodila a pýtala sa, v ktorej bublinke je čo napísané.
Pomôžu i detské knihy
Sandrika tiež od začiatku rada pomáha pri starostlivosti o Alexka. Rada ho kŕmi (aj keď vydrží len chvíľu), nosí plienky, spieva mu uspávanky :), hrá sa s ním, číta mu, robí mu “šašoviny”… Je toho veľa a ja viem, že to robí s radosťou, ale i napriek tomu jej nikdy nezabudnem poďakovať a zdôrazniť, akou je super sestričkou. Alexko sa jej vždy odvďačí úsmevom, ba až smiechom, pozornosťou… Sandruška je rada, že má publikum, on je rád, že sa mu venuje. Preto ich často nechávam spolu aj osamote. Samozrejme, mám ich nadohľad a vždy som pripravená zasiahnuť, predsa len, Sandra je stále malé dieťa a veľakrát nevie napríklad odhadnúť svoju silu či pochopiť, že Alex ešte nevie či nedokáže to, čo ona.
Výbornou pomôckou sú i knihy. Deti sa s ich hrdinami ľahšie stotožnia a majú lepšiu predstavu, čo ich asi po príchode bračeka či sestričky bude čakať a sú tiež ideálnou pomôckou pri rozhovore o novej situácii. Skvelé sú napríklad Veľké pokroky – Mamička má bábätko, Terka a bábätko, Budem mať malého súrodenca, Príbeh o dvoch jašteričkách a slnku, Som velká sestřička, Som velký brácha, Sourozenci od Bonnilu, Radosti a starosti opičiaka Eda (kniha o emocionálnej inteligencii dieťaťa, v ktorej nájdete aj kapitolky na tému príchodu nového súrodenca) a v auguste vychádza kniha Saurík už nie je jedináčik, na ktorú sa veľmi tešíme. Samozrejme, kníh na túto tému je viac, stačí hľadať.
Čím je však Alexko starší, tým je všetko lepšie, samozrejme. Myslím, že Sandrička si už začína uvedomovať, aké super je to, že už nie je sama. A verím, že bude ešte lepšie. Dôležité len je vytrvať a prečkať to najhoršie obdobie. Ono to prejde. A potom zostane len nenahraditeľná súrodenecká láska.
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